2010 Blog - Post Six

Do you ever feel like you're talking, and no one is listening? Or worse, everyone else is ALWAYS talking, and you're ALWAYS listening?

The way I see it, there are two kinds of people in this world: talkers and listeners. Both can sometimes do either, but they have a predilection for one of the two. I consider myself to have a great listening ability, but I am, by nature, a talker. As great as I can listen, I have and give excellent advice because I have an opinion about everything. How executives run businesses - have an opinion about it. What people actually wear and what they should wear - have an opinion about it. Which apples go better in an apple pie - have an opinion about it. Who people should and should not date and why - opinion. I'm Polish, what do you want from me? Similarly (although less violently) to my orca comrade in Seaworld (too soon? whatever. I'm still using the analogy), if, for whatever reason, I'm forced against my will from my natural predisposition into one that doesn't exactly suit me, I have a reaction. A lashing out, so to speak. To put it mildly, I get frustrated. And when I get frustrated, I shut down and proceed to harbor my frustration within myself, steaming and fuming until provoked. At which point, all hell breaks loose. Thank God I'M not in a tank surrounded by sticky-fingered children pointing at me, banging on the glass of my faux habitat creating this grating, incessant banging sound while I'm trying to nap. Cause I would have killed the next person who approached me, too. It's like the end of Waiting actually. You know, when the kid from Freaks and Geeks hasn't uttered a word ALL DAY cause everyone else around him is so self-absorbed and verbose? Anytime he has a thought or they give him a chance to speak, someone else butts in with his or her opinion and shuts the poor kid up before he can even articulate a sound. Then, at the end of the day he's had it. And he completely explodes in this magnificent display of cathartic logorrhea. That's precisely what happens to me if I've been shut up too long.

That being said, I feel like I've been pushed into the role of listener entirely too much lately. So much so that by the time whomever I'm talking to gives me a chance to speak, I'm so livid with anger, I limit my response soas not to say something that could get me fired or into trouble. Or I'm just so exhausted from listening that I don't care to exert the physical effort it would entail to speak. Too tired to speak? Me? Wow. Just this afternoon I had literally back-to-back phone calls in which the person on the other end was reluctant to let me speak. The first caller kept reiterating his confusion non-stop, leaving me to think, dude, if you'd shut up for like two seconds, I could clarify and you wouldn't have to waste my time or bore me any further with your ignorant virulence. You know what I just thought of? There's no male equivalent to bitch. Like, you're not going to say that the man was bitchy. So what do you say? Bastardly? That makes me feel pretentious. Eh, eff it. I'm using it. He was bastardly. Though, I kinda take a personal offense to that. Oh well. I'm still using it. Moving on. Second phone call. Woman could not understand the difference between the ongoing and completed operations portion of the endorsement we were discussing. I said I had a problem with the ongoing operations portion due to the language. She proceeds to call my attention to the completed operations portion that does not contain the language and provides the appropriate coverage. But not only does she call my attention to it, but she gives me a lengthy description. I am finally able to interject and say, yes, that's fine. I'm talking about ongoing operations. She again calls my attention to completed operations and discusses it further. Like, lady, save us both some time, let me explain cause you're too stupid to know the difference in coverage between ongoing and completed operations, and let me get off the damn phone cause I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU (see previous post re: my abhorrence of human contact).

Furthermore, I just feel like on the day-to-day, I'm asked questions or inquiries are made regarding what's going on in my life, and when I have a legitimate answer or story, the person I'm talking to puts an imaginary stopper in my mouth mid-sentence to interject about their day or their opinion or what's going on in their life. Or an inquiry is never even made. It's like, omg this is going on in my life, listen to me. Me me me. Um, I'm an only child. And while I do care about you and what's going on in your life because you're my friend or what-have-you, I'm also an only child. And I care about me and what's going on in my life. And you should, too. Or what's worse is if I have something truly exciting and I'm like all amped to talk about it, and the person I'm talking to is completely unphased. Hence the lack of listening. There is nothing worse for me that halted excitement. It's like the supreme let down. Cause then you don't even care about it anymore. It's lost its lustre. It's like an engagement ring after the wedding's been postponed or called off. And you're just left with this meaningless lump of previously wondrous joy that's dull and matte. And who likes matte? No one voluntarily chooses matte. No one goes to the store and is like, I would LOVE that matte paint for my room. Or omg I'm looking for this FABULOUS matte lipstick to make my lips look caked. Yes, please. Bring it on.

Ugh, anyway, I wish I had a way of tying this in to my Blog theme, but I don't. I just needed an outlet, and the blog isn't going to interrupt me or talk incessantly, inhibiting me from getting a word in edgewise. Unless, of course, there's a technological malfunction and windows decides to temporarily stop functioning for no apparent reason. At which point, yes, there will be an interruption. And I will be forced to grab someone and pull them into my tank and tear them limb from limb (exaggeration).